WELCOME TO THE CONTROVERSY! "This nation cannot be overthrown by battle. It would never allow itself to be. America can only be overthrown by removing its reason for greatness, its exceptionalism and existence as a force for world influence for good and freedom. The driving purpose that led our brothers and sisters to shed their blood for a new country and which drove a people and a President to hold fast to the premise that the nation could not be divided into two in the bloody civil war. Our vision of defeating evil, which gives our men and women in the military valor and a willingness to sacrifice in each of our American centuries, has been freedom. The greatest force for freedom has always been the Constitution of the United States. Now, this government, of the people disregards the people. Now these rights, for the people, seem to have been invalidated by a force that has no constitutional right to do so." - Author Steven Clark BradleyClick Here To Go To Author Steven Clark Bradley's Amazon Author's Page
Dr. Joe Capista's "What Can a Dentist Teach You about Business, Life and Success?"
What Can a Dentist Teach You about Business, Life and Success? Take a look at Dr. Joe Capista's book, Discover Secrets To Achieving Total success!
Have a look at what others who have read Dr. Capista's book have said:
In, What Can a Dentist Teach You about Business, Life and Success? Discover Secrets to Achieving Total Success!, Dr. Joe Capista demonstrates that professionals who operate with a high level of integrity will achieve more than most people could imagine. Using his Five Part Formula to Success, Capista shows that becoming an expert, developing sales and marketing skills, getting help from experts and mentors, controlling your thoughts and creating a life of balance are the tools for success.
Sharing personal and professional examples, Capista is extremely transparent with his teachings. Readers discover why all five parts will virtually guarantee success both personally and professionally.
This book is a great resource for anyone looking for both a pragmatic and spiritual approach to building a life of Total Success.
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Balance — A Requirement for Total Success
By the time I was in my late twenties, I really felt as if I had arrived. I was making great money, driving a fancy car and living in a big house. Everything I based success on, I had. The harsh reality was, my life was in turmoil. Although I had a level of success, I didn't have TOTAL SUCCESS.
It's the same with my friends who make millions and millions of dollars annually. They make more than I'll make in a lifetime and yet they don't have what I now understand to be TOTAL SUCCESS. They only have professional success. Their main focus is business. They have difficulty in relationships, failed marriages, problem children, they misuse their authority and power and they eat and drink to excess. Their life is in turmoil and their lifestyle is killing them.
I don't know how to assess another's spiritual well-being, but I think that it's hard to have inner-peace when your life is in turmoil. My experience has shown me a successful life is more than a successful business. This was a lesson hard learned. By the time I had
“arrived” I was working way too much; 60 to 70 hours a week, sometimes more. I'd work until ten o'clock on Friday nights and often be in my office on weekends. I was driven to be successful in my business.
As I mentioned earlier, the first year out of dental school I made $50,000. This was under very poor conditions. Even though this was a lot of money by most people's standards, my goal was to make $100,000 the second year. In 1978, that was a ton of money and I pulled out all the stops in order to reach that goal. By today's standards that would be $300,000 - $400,000 a year.
I was driven to produce. Nothing was going to stop me. I did what I needed to do continually for the next couple of years. I had arrived, so I thought. I was 29 years old. I had a five-bedroom house on a 1-acre lot, a Mercedes-Benz, and my life looked great
— from the outside.
What wasn't apparent to a casual observer was I also had a wife and children I never saw, or saw very little. Even though I was doing what I thought a good husband should do, my wife was very upset. She was doing everything with the kids and I was not there to help and support her on that level.
Anne was so upset, I would come home at night and she would scream at me and say, “You're not here; you're not helping. I can't go on like this!” I found myself making many promises like, “I'm only going to do this for a little while, it's going to get better, and I'm going to change.” A year would go by and I wouldn't change; I continued to be driven to make the money to prove I was successful.
Where I grew up, not many of my friends went to college. The fact that I became a dentist was a step above. I was hell-bent on showing people that it doesn't matter where you start, you can make something of yourself. I would constantly affirm, “I came from a working class neighborhood; I am now successful and make enough money to buy whatever I want.”
What was important at the time was to make enough money to show people I was successful. At that point in my life, it was more about showing them I was successful than living a successful life. The one way I could do it was to make a lot of money.
People would say, “Wow. You've made it!” That meant a lot to me! Little did I realize all my focus on business and money was putting my life completely out of balance. I suppose if I would have paid attention to what my wife was saying and how I was feeling I would have known how out of balance I was.
It wasn't until 1983 that I began to recognize the need for balance. Work was a major disruption in my life even though it was giving me my perceived success. Although I had been ignoring it for a long time, there was now no denying that I needed to do what I could to have a balanced life.
First, I took steps to fix my business. As my business improved, I started paying consultants to help me learn how to run my business more efficiently. It was through these business improvements I was able to take more time with my family. This allowed me to be home with my family more and focus on my physical balance. This was pivotal in improving my relationship with my wife and children and my health.
My wife is a great mother and a wonderful spouse for hanging in there until I was present and accounted for on the home front. Most striking to me was that as I came into a kind of physical and professional balance, my marriage came into balance as well. This then opened up the part of my life that was lacking, the spiritual inner component.
It was during that time Charlie introduced me to a way of life that would forever change me. Charlie was an advocate of living a very balanced life and he made no qualms about the importance of this. He said, “The more balanced your life becomes, the more success you can create. The more balance you have the more you will realize what you are capable of and how connected everything is.”
By now I was keenly aware that all aspects of my life were connected at a deep level. I could no longer address one area without addressing another. Once I knew this, I could no longer go back to my old way of thinking, acting and believing. Everything was shifting.
I came to realize my wife and family deserved as much attention as my business. It was during that time I created goals concerning my family relationships. I wanted and needed to be a contributor.
One of my goals was to be the best husband I could be. With this as my focus, a shift began. Just the fact I had a focus on improvement the changes began. I made a conscious effort to say something positive about my wife everyday. Not necessarily big things, but things like, “Honey, you're the best. You look beautiful today. I appreciate all that you do.” The key was to convey my feelings with sincerity, not just to hear myself talk.
By running my business better and having systems in place at work, I had more time to share with my family and enjoy time with my wife. I made a conscious effort to do little things like help around the house. Even though I was running a business, making this kind of a change made a huge difference. I would catch myself saying things like, “Can I help you do anything?” and “Why don't you let me get that for you?”
The most amazing thing began to happen. I found I was feeling more love for my wife than I ever had. I began focusing on what I love and appreciate about my wife. I found the more I focused, the more desire I had to be a contributing husband and the better my life became. It became very apparent positive business changes were having a positive effect on my personal life.
It was the same with my health. As my business improved, I was now putting effort into my physical well-being. The healthier I became, the better my personal relationships became and the better I performed in my business. I was now experiencing what Charlie had often talked about: balance in all areas of my life.
I was gaining an insider's view that what we focus on increases. It is one of the most basic principles of success, yet one that is the most underutilized. Creating balance isn't a big secret. It's really about doing the very basics. Actually, it's more about doing the basic stuff than making massive change all at once.
Balance includes our thoughts and goes back to controlled thinking and focus. To create balance you have to watch your thought process and what you ask for. I use my thinking to support my relationships, my health, my finances and my spirituality. For example, around my relationship with my wife, I will repeat to myself, “I love being with my wife and I am happy to be with her.”
It goes back to the saying, “Energy flows where your attention goes.” So if my attention is on the positive, energy flows there. I fill my mind and heart with the positive and don't let thoughts of conflict, fear or lack rob my peace. One of the biggest tools that has helped the balance in my marriage is the use of DiSC® Classic. My wife's dominant
behavior pattern is different from mine, therefore I know we're going to have different wants and desires. Sometimes I have to concede to her wants and desires if I truly want a happy relationship.
I've learned not to fight about insignificant things. As strange as that sounds, I just don't fight anymore. Being somewhat of a hotheaded Italian, I've been known to say the wrong thing too quickly. I've just learned not to do this anymore in my marriage. It isn't worth the imbalance it creates. I now know I can choose what I say and what I do. I also know how much significance or insignificance I place on anything is up to me.
I've learned a balanced life requires discipline and attention. In order to thrive in my relationship with my wife, I have to bring the same discipline to our marriage that I've brought to my business. There is a relationship between work and family that balance each other. One supports the other.
Although it may sound as though my discipline is to hold my tongue, this is not so. My discipline is to see love where there could be conflict, peace where at one time there was fear and balance even when the circle is a little out of kilter. In the scheme of things, I don't win by winning an argument. I'm not happier when we argue.
My work relationships demand the same balance. My team and the other dentists in the office and I know each other's behavior style. We've all taken the DiSC® Classic profile so we have a deep understanding and respect for the differences that create our team and our partnership. We think before we talk. We understand when someone says or does certain things that may be irritating; they're probably not doing it to aggravate us. They simply have a different style.
A huge part for me in creating balance is I've given up the thought of self-importance. I have come to recognize that many times someone's actions are just a part of his or her behavioral style and is not a reflection on me. The objective is to value everyone and make the situation better. Relationships at home and work affect your business success.
My desire for a more balanced life began to shift around the time I was trying to change the business. Strange things happen when you work 70 or 80 hours a week. You go to work, come home, eat, and sleep. You wake up and do the same thing the next day. And the next. And the next…
I would literally come home, eat a regular meal at ten o'clock, have a beer or two, and go to bed. Without any type of physical activity, I put weight on. After awhile, I got a Hiatal hernia, the type of hernia where the stomach pushes up through a hole in the diaphragm muscle. It is very painful. I had chest pains every time I'd lie down. I wasn't very old and my body was becoming that of an old man.
I had to change my eating habits because of the hernia, the weight gain, the lack of energy and just not feeling good overall. I turned things around by minimizing my consumption of alcohol, reducing my meat intake and making a commitment to participate in a healthy diet for a period of a year.
It was during this time I decided I wanted to play tennis again. Before I could play, I needed to get in better shape. I decided the first thing I would do is run a couple miles at the local track. I struggled the first time on the track. Shocked and disgusted, I realized I was 30 years old and I couldn't even run a mile. Something happened in that moment. I vowed to get in top physical shape from that point forward.
I said to myself and to my wife, “I am going to run four days a week, rain or shine, no matter what, and eat a healthy diet.” To this day, over 25 years later, I have kept the commitment.
I realized I had been shortchanging others by the choices I had made up to that point. A part of me acknowledged it wasn't fair to have a low energy level when I'd go to work. I knew my family would eventually suffer if my health were less than the best I could achieve. With a commitment to running and improving my health, I could keep my commitments to work and play harder on the weekends.
For the past 25 years, the number of times that I have not run four days a week is less than ten, and that's because of matters that were out of my control. The number of times I haven't run because I didn't feel like it is zero. I have never gone to the door and said, “Well, it's cold, it's raining, it's snowing… I don't feel like running today.”
I've run with a fever, I've run and thrown up, I've run in blizzards. I've run in rain, I've run when it is hot. I've run because it's my day to run. To this day my wife says, “I know you're crazy going out there,” and I say, “Yeah, I know, but I'm going to do it anyway,” and I do it. I know this is not for everybody. This is simply the degree of commitment I've dedicated to my health and fitness.
The bottom line is that commitment is required in all areas of life. A commitment to your business, your relationships, your physical and spiritual being. I never lie about my commitments. When you lie about your commitments the first time, it makes the second time much easier, and the third time easier yet. Soon there is no commitment, then there's no structure, and eventually you are out of balance. When you lie to yourself it impacts your self-worth and value.
A strange thing happened when recapturing my balance; the physical improvement came first, then business started to get better. That's when my relationships started to get better. My relationships improved because I was able to spend more quality time with my wife and children. This did not happen in a matter of weeks; this took a period of four to five years to occur. In an instant gratification world, it is important for people to realize success takes time. Time takes commitment and commitment takes integrity to one's self. It is like the old saying goes, To Thine Own Self Be True.
As my physical life, relationships and business were balancing out, the strangest thing began to happen. I found my desire for a more balanced spiritual life begin to take hold.
In 1985, Charlie Schaivo introduced me to yet one more instrument that would have a profound impact on my life. Charlie said to me, “Joe, why don't you come along on this
retreat to Malvern?” Not knowing what Malvern was or what to expect, I avoided making the commitment to go, but eventually I did go, because by now I really trusted Charlie's guidance.
With the decision to go to Malvern, little did I know what an incredible experience awaited me and that my life would change forever. Malvern is a Christian retreat that happens to be Catholic. You don't have to be Catholic to participate. It's a semi structured weekend with religious services, quiet time, reflection time, meditation and prayer. They have a retreat master who gives various talks throughout the weekend based on a specific theme.
Malvern was so amazing I vowed to attend every year without ever allowing any excuses. My first retreat at Malvern so moved me that when I came home from the weekend I told Charlie, “If I ever tell you I can't go to Malvern, tell me I'm a liar. There will never be a reason why I can't go.”
The time I invested at Malvern made me realize I needed a period at least once a year to have quiet time; to look back over the previous year and reflect. Until I really participated in quiet time, I didn't realize how much I craved it.
The Malvern Retreat is held during the Father's Day weekend. My friends and family know that this is my weekend. Actually, I passed on Charlie's legacy to my son. He's been coming since he was 15, and like me, attends every year without fail.
We spend the weekend together as father and son. The retreat provides us with quality time, a time to be together, and a time to talk together. It is about connection, reflection, and silence.
Our lives are bombarded with noise, both internal and external. Cell phones, iPods, computers, e-mails, faxes; you name it, we have it and it is only going to increase.
To consciously take time to reflect is an incredible experience and a tool of balance. Once exposed to the quiet, I recognized how overwhelmed I had actually become.
In addition to Malvern, following Charlie's example, I started to go to church services in the morning. Even though my work schedule often prevented me from staying for the entire church service, I was still able to sit quietly for 15 minutes or so.
During that time, I enjoyed the quietness of just sitting there. It didn't matter if there was a priest at the altar or even whether a church service was going on or not; it was simply a time to connect to the quietness.
When I first went deep into my spiritual journey, I was at a crossroads in many areas of my life. As most people do, I often had questions in my life that needed answers. Some of the questions I had were not easy. Some of my questions were business related, some about home, and others about relationships.
With the business, I might be grappling with finances and taking on other dentists or employees. I knew it was important to think through whatever decision I made. My family issues required I go deep into myself. Sitting in the quiet the answers came to me with grace and at times with ease. The longer I have made quiet time a part of my spiritual foundation, the easier it becomes to receive information from the Divine.
Although for me spirituality is a church, a God, a belief and Divine intervention, it may not be that way for everyone. Even if people don't believe in a God per se, many believe there are energies or forces out there that control the Universe. I think we all need quiet time in today's world. Spirituality is a vehicle to quietness and inner reflection.
I have found that having a time and a place for quiet time in my home and life has enhanced me in ways that often amaze me. In the 25 plus years since beginning my reflection time, I no longer walk into a room and unconsciously turn on the radio or
TV. Prior to that time, I would use the noise as a distraction.
Noise is a great avoider of reflection. I often say, “You cannot hear when there is noise.” Now I consciously work at minimizing the distractions and increasing the quiet time.
Make quiet time to be with yourself and to reflect. If you can't be comfortable taking time to be with yourself, how can you expect others to want to be with you?
The purpose of quiet time isn't just relaxation, there is more to it. It helps with our creativity and problem solving. For example, when your mind goes from the conscious state to the state just prior to sleep, you produce a greater amount of alpha waves. When your mind is producing alpha waves, you're more open to receiving ideas and you're more creative in your thought process.
In fact, Thomas Edison unknowingly would practice thinking in an alpha state. He would sit in the late afternoon with a lead ball in his hand when he was tired and blocked. He'd close his eyes and await a sense of slumber until he would drop the ball. He wanted the ball to wake him before he fell into sleep knowing this level of consciousness would produce good ideas and enhance his creativity when he opened his eyes.
Edison's process is basically a form of a meditation. I know the impact and importance of a meditative state. In essence, it is simply a focused, quiet state. While in dental school, I took a course on transcendental meditation. This was not a part of the dental curriculum, but done independently. I also participated in studies based upon transcendental meditation and how the results of meditation in producing alpha waves compared to progressive relaxation, self-hypnosis and hypnosis.
Amazingly, all four states produced increased alpha waves, thus showing that quietness in any of these situations allows you to be more creative and productive. It is not necessary to take courses in any or all of these areas. You can reap the benefits of an alpha state just by developing quietness in your life.
Here is a very simple step virtually anyone can implement to find serenity, peace, and increased creativity. Find a place within your home or your life where you can take 5 to 10 minutes. Sit with your eyes closed. Just sit in a chair for a few minutes. You can concentrate on your breathing, or you can repeat a simple phrase or mantra.
I frequently do this during my lunch break. I close my eyes and repeat a personal mantra. After a mere 10 minutes, I wake up extremely energized. I notice in the quiet I have a greater sense of my own truth; my gut instinct is honed and an intuitive wisdom is developed. Quietness is a simple tool with deep and lasting benefits.
The mantra you repeat can be a word, a phrase or a sound. A mantra usually has a personal meaning attached to it. The most important thing is to simply allow yourself quiet time. I have also deepened my spiritual practices by participating in a gospel reflection group that meets every Friday morning. I have attended sessions for the last few years with a group of very successful business owners, mostly high-powered men who have a diverse mix of backgrounds, experiences and religions. We connect by way of a gospel reading, which we then relate to daily life and the things we should or could be doing better.
This gospel group has been very revealing. To hear other men, who I admire and respect for what they have accomplished, share their insights is incredible. They know the importance spirituality plays in their life. Their commitment to balance is remarkable. They are a group of men that hold fast to what they know. One of the sayings we have there is, “Once you know, you cannot not know.”
This simply means once a truth has been revealed to you, it is difficult to act on an old behavior that is no longer in your best interest or serves your highest good. For example, in our group we have discussions about honesty in business, fidelity in our marriage, and living a life of integrity. Although any one of us could act on a behavior or a moment's temptation, we will likely choose not to. Not because we couldn't get away with something and hide something from others, it is because in our heart we would know we went against the core values we live by.
It goes back to my experience of recognizing what I needed to do to have true balance in my life. Once I became aware, there was no going back. I'm not sure I could have accomplished all that I have without this concept of spirituality and balance. In the last 5 to 10 years, my balance has been above average. I have a life that I am proud of and is filled with happiness. I do not say this to impress anyone. I say it to impress upon you that you can create an amazing life with lasting success. It simply takes awareness, willingness and action.
I have had people ask me if I am 100% certain about my concept of God and spirituality. Actually, it doesn't matter if what I believe is true or not. I say this because if I died tonight and I get to wherever I'm going only to find there is no Heaven and no God, I would be satisfied. I'd look back on my life and say, “I'm glad I did it that way, because I was a happier person. I lived my life based on principles that made me happy and made others happy.”
So I don't live or think this way to reap the benefits of Heaven. I live this way and believe this way because it gives me a quality of life that is truly passionate, joyful and loving.
I know life is fragile; it could fall apart tomorrow, but I'd still have my sense of self and the knowledge to recreate and rebalance this gift we call “life.”
I am asked frequently what my “secret” to success is. My secret is not a secret at all; it is simply about balance and awareness. It needn't be difficult and it is available to almost everyone. At times it may not be the easiest thing to achieve, yet the more you strive for it, the easier it becomes.
When we can link our worldly successes with spiritual understanding, we will bridge the great divide of being materially successful and spiritually rich. First, understand what the four areas of balance are and do a self-assessment using The Circle of Balance. After you've assessed your state of balance, create an action plan for improving your work, relationships, and your physical well-being.
If you can commit to improving these three areas of your life, the spirituality side of life will come together on its own without a lot of effort and what effort you do put into it will be well worth it.
I have tried to create success in both my business and personal life in order to achieve Total Success. Success in business alone is incomplete. Given the choice of one of these
two areas, I would choose to have a successful personal life.
Understanding of The Circle of Balance and taking action to have balance has allowed me the gift of having success both personally and professionally and the ability to achieve Total Success.
One of the greatest benefits in achieving Total Success is our ability to share what we have with others. The principle of giving and sharing reaches back through the centuries. It is a spiritual principle that took me some time to really grasp, yet all the most successful people I know subscribe to this principle. In the next chapter I share what it took for me to fully grasp this concept and how pivotal it has been in my life.
Balance Success Summary
Ø Total Success requires more than a successful business and a great income.
Ø Success in your personal life is more important than success in your business.
Ø Pay people to get your work (business) to run more efficiently.
Ø As work and physical worlds come into balance, family life comes into balance as
Ø The more balanced your life becomes, the more success you can create.
Ø As your physical life, relationships and business balance out, you find the desire
for more of a spiritual component in your life.
Ø We need some quiet time and reflection time in our day. Our lives are bombarded by
noise. It is hard to hear when there is noise.
Ø Find a place in your home or work where you can experience quiet.
Ø Quiet opens the mind.
Ø To move towards a 10 in all four areas requires a commitment to action.
Ø Once you lie to yourself about a commitment, the second and third time the lie
becomes easier and soon there is no commitment.
Ø Total Success requires a successful business and personal life.
Ø The Circle of Balance can guide you to Total Success.
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